[ she muffles a scream into one of the pillows, mostly so she can hide her so very red face and looks back up at Arianna with an expression of total exasperation. ]
We-- we've barely discussed that, Arianna, I'm not-- I mean, I don't-- it's entirely too soon to be even thinking about the possibility of children!
[ dying at the concept of marrying and having babies with her boyfriend, so it seems
She blows up, fluttering her bangs out of her face ]
It's-- it's not like I haven't thought about it. Not. Not in any specifics but. The whole idea of it. You know?
[ she makes a vague gesture with her hand, a little frustrated with her own inability to get that idea across -- the whole concept of domesticity, family, home and making one together. ]
It just... for a very long time, it wasn't exactly a priority. I keep forgetting that it's an option now.
[ She looks a little caught off guard. Not by the hug (because really, she's used to all that by now) and more Arianna's reaction. It hadn't struck her as anything worth getting upset over, not really.
But that's the point, isn't it? She forgets sometimes, how bad her normal had been at one point. There's a weary smile on her face as she leans in and gently bumps her head against Arianna's. ]
I guess it's not. But it's... not really something you can just let go of. You know what I mean, don't you? It'll be a while until I'm not carrying it with me.
[ A while until she can sleep soundly on rainy nights without waiting for something to scratch at the door and break in. A while until she doesn't feel queasy at the sight of stuffed bears in the shopping mall. Maybe never. ]
You already do -- all of you. Just by being with me. I don't think I could ask you to do more than that.
[ She doesn't think to put it in as many words and maybe she hasn't even noticed the full extent of the difference herself -- but it really is a wonder what having a real support network has done for her. The School Living Club did what they could for each other but in the closed-off world of Megurigaoka survival was always more important than making sure you stayed sane long enough to enjoy it. ]
There's just... so many things I still haven't talked about. I wouldn't even know where to start with them.
[She was afraid of that. Yuuri's story just seems to get worse and worse. In a way, Arianna almost wonders if the network was doing her and her friends a favor by kidnapping them. Not intentionally, of course, but it's still strange to find herself in the position of potentially being thankful for such a thing.]
I could not say. But... if you wish to speak, I will listen.
[ Yuuri gives her a smile -- it's kind of queasy and wobbly, but she manages it before she rolls over onto her back so she can gaze up and the ceiling instead of at Arianna.
She's quiet for a little while and at first it seems like she's not going to answer. But then when she finally speaks up, it seems like she's picking an odd place to start. ]
How much of the season before ours did you watch? It was the whole thing, wasn't it?
[An odd place to start, maybe, but on the other hand it seems to make a certain amount of sense. How long has everything seemed to come back to that second season?]
Yes. I attempted to perform a "live ba-log" as well, but I was unsuccessful.
So then, you already know what happened to Kurumi, don't you? You already know she was bitten.
[ Saying it out loud feels like a horrible, awful betrayal even though she already knows that all Kurumi's secrets have long since been laid bare. She's never spoken much about what happened in that school, not in detail -- she's not sure she even would've told Junpei what happened if he hadn't been there when she's woken up wide-eyed and shaking on a Sunday morning, still convinced she could smell the rot of Kurumi's bite. ]
[Arianna isn't sure where this is going, but she's 100% sure she doesn't like it. The absolute best outcome here is Yuuri reflecting on being terrified of what was going to happen.]
I do. It was revealed early, in the aftermath of their first trial, though at first only Dame Frederica knew.
[Her hand idly drifts to Yuuri's upper arm, as if to confirm that there isn't a similar bite mark there.]
[ Yuuri glances over and gives Arianna a wan smile before reaching out her arm, stretching it out as if to let Arianna see and be assured: no bite. No scars, save for the one on her left, one Kurumi herself left with her trusty shovel. Just the black tattoo in all its elaborate Lucian glory. ]
... I didn't. I mean... I obviously knew when it happened. But it was one of the very, very last things I remembered during the game. And it didn't make any sense, because I'd already remembered things from so much later and Kurumi was still there. I couldn't understand how she could end up bitten and then still be with us.
[ What she doesn't voice is the fear. The possibility that she'd gone Yuki's route and just convinced herself that Kurumi was still there.
[ Yuuri's hand, her fingers loose and relaxed until a moment ago, closes into a fist. ]
I do now. But back then, I just... I was so afraid she was going to turn into one of them. Right there in the club room. And if she did then just what would that do to Yuki-chan? After everything else, I was so scared that seeing Kurumi turn like that would break her. It really would break her.
[ She has to stop talking for a moment so she can swallow and wet her dry throat. ]
Even when Miki-san went to find the medicine, that was all I could think. Kurumi was thrashing around so much and she was screaming like it was burning her alive from the inside out and I...
[ She's sitting on her knees, torso leaning back against the trunk of a lemon tree and long hair draping down her front. ]
I just... wanted...
[ But it's not nearly enough to hide the bloody wound in her stomach ]
[It isn't uncommon for Arianna to not understand things. Sometimes they rely on concepts she hasn't been able to grasp or knowledge she doesn't have, like the specifics of complex technology. Sometimes she focuses too much on specific details to grasp the big picture. Sometimes she has trouble understanding the mindset of someone with a drastically different worldview. Sometimes... well, sometimes she's just kind of dense.
None of those things come to her rescue this time. Nothing protects her from the dawning realization in the back of her mind. Nothing stops her from thinking about Rhys and Angel, McBurn, Korra and "Karamatsu."]
[ it comes out a little defensively as if to refute an accusation that Arianna hasn't even made yet. Not that she needs to -- both of them already know what she means. ]
I don't even know now how close I came but I... I didn't do it.
[ Yuuri draws back from Arianna a little so she can curl in on herself. So she can make herself smaller, and fiddle with the charms hanging from her neck.
Why, why, why did she think this was a good idea? Why couldn't this just have been more laughing about sleepover games and food and anything other than this. ]
But I stood there for so long. Holding that knife up over her and in the end... In the end, I only dropped it because Miki-san came back. She came back and saw me there with the knife.
Arianna scoots over next to Yuuri, putting her arms around her.
She's shaking, noticeably so. She doesn't want it to be true. She doesn't want her Rii-san to be someone who's come so close to something like that. Someone who was... ready not only to give up when her friend's life was at stake, but to take that friend's life herself. But as she said, she can't turn away from the truth. She can only decide how to deal with it. She doesn't know what that means, yet.
But she refuses to let it mean anything for their relationship. Rii-san is still the same Rii-san. "You are my sister, and nothing can change that," she said, and she meant it. And now, her sister needs comfort. Needs to know she isn't alone.]
[ Yuuri draws in a shaky, soggy sounding breath and it comes back out in an equally shaky laugh, even though there's nothing funny about any of this. She's not sure what she expected, really. After everything all of them have done, she should've known that this wouldn't change a thing.
But she's held onto it for so long -- hated herself for it for so long -- that it seems strange for Arianna to not react with the same distaste. ]
And... do you know what the strangest part is?
[ Not the 'worst' part. Both of them know full well what the worst part is. ]
Miki-san never said a thing about it. She never asked me why or even what I was doing. As far as I know she-- she never talked about it. To any of us, not even Kurumi.
[Well... if a situation like that somehow comes up again, Arianna won't be intentionally leaving Yuuri in charge of any life-or-death decisions. That's part of her job, she'll do it herself.
But she could never hate her. Not even if she found herself under that knife.]
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[I'm not even a little bit sorry.]
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Arianna, I'm-- you-- [ LET HER DIE??? WHY IS SHE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION ] I'm not even married!
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[Who knew this was what Arianna needed in order to grasp temporal mechanics?]
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We-- we've barely discussed that, Arianna, I'm not-- I mean, I don't-- it's entirely too soon to be even thinking about the possibility of children!
[ please chill your ship thirst, princess!! ]
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[Lies. Every moment Arianna spends not holding her baby niece or nephew is a moment wasted.]
...Rii-san? Are you well?
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[ dying at the concept of marrying and having babies with her boyfriend, so it seems
She blows up, fluttering her bangs out of her face ]
It's-- it's not like I haven't thought about it. Not. Not in any specifics but. The whole idea of it. You know?
[ she makes a vague gesture with her hand, a little frustrated with her own inability to get that idea across -- the whole concept of domesticity, family, home and making one together. ]
It just... for a very long time, it wasn't exactly a priority. I keep forgetting that it's an option now.
[ until certain princesses blindside her ]
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Then she hugs Yuuri tightly. It's really more of a cling, actually.]
Even after all this time, what happened in that place still has its hold on you. It... it hardly seems fair.
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But that's the point, isn't it? She forgets sometimes, how bad her normal had been at one point. There's a weary smile on her face as she leans in and gently bumps her head against Arianna's. ]
I guess it's not. But it's... not really something you can just let go of. You know what I mean, don't you? It'll be a while until I'm not carrying it with me.
[ A while until she can sleep soundly on rainy nights without waiting for something to scratch at the door and break in. A while until she doesn't feel queasy at the sight of stuffed bears in the shopping mall. Maybe never. ]
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If... if there is any way I can, then I will help you carry it.
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[ She doesn't think to put it in as many words and maybe she hasn't even noticed the full extent of the difference herself -- but it really is a wonder what having a real support network has done for her. The School Living Club did what they could for each other but in the closed-off world of Megurigaoka survival was always more important than making sure you stayed sane long enough to enjoy it. ]
There's just... so many things I still haven't talked about. I wouldn't even know where to start with them.
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I could not say. But... if you wish to speak, I will listen.
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[ Her voice is quiet and soft -- a little distant. ]
Some of it is... it's not...
[ She stops to think for a moment, pursing her lips before she can speak. ]
It might make you think of me a little differently, to know all of it.
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[She pulls back enough to be able to look at her.]
If I am to rule Caledonia one day, [which is kind of questionable these days but shh,] I cannot turn away from the truth for the sake of my comfort.
If you are concerned that I will no longer care for you after hearing this, I can assure you I will. You are my sister, and nothing can change that.
[...which is not to say that this isn't making her nervous.]
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She's quiet for a little while and at first it seems like she's not going to answer. But then when she finally speaks up, it seems like she's picking an odd place to start. ]
How much of the season before ours did you watch? It was the whole thing, wasn't it?
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Yes. I attempted to perform a "live ba-log" as well, but I was unsuccessful.
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[ Saying it out loud feels like a horrible, awful betrayal even though she already knows that all Kurumi's secrets have long since been laid bare. She's never spoken much about what happened in that school, not in detail -- she's not sure she even would've told Junpei what happened if he hadn't been there when she's woken up wide-eyed and shaking on a Sunday morning, still convinced she could smell the rot of Kurumi's bite. ]
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I do. It was revealed early, in the aftermath of their first trial, though at first only Dame Frederica knew.
[Her hand idly drifts to Yuuri's upper arm, as if to confirm that there isn't a similar bite mark there.]
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... I didn't. I mean... I obviously knew when it happened. But it was one of the very, very last things I remembered during the game. And it didn't make any sense, because I'd already remembered things from so much later and Kurumi was still there. I couldn't understand how she could end up bitten and then still be with us.
[ What she doesn't voice is the fear. The possibility that she'd gone Yuki's route and just convinced herself that Kurumi was still there.
Hah. If only she'd known how right she was. ]
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So why does she feel relieved?]
Because you were unaware of the medication.
[The medication that Kurumi concluded hadn't worked. But it must have, right?]
But you understand now, do you not?
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I do now. But back then, I just... I was so afraid she was going to turn into one of them. Right there in the club room. And if she did then just what would that do to Yuki-chan? After everything else, I was so scared that seeing Kurumi turn like that would break her. It really would break her.
[ She has to stop talking for a moment so she can swallow and wet her dry throat. ]
Even when Miki-san went to find the medicine, that was all I could think. Kurumi was thrashing around so much and she was screaming like it was burning her alive from the inside out and I...
[ She's sitting on her knees, torso leaning back against the trunk of a lemon tree and long hair draping down her front. ]
I just... wanted...
[ But it's not nearly enough to hide the bloody wound in her stomach ]
I just wanted it to stop.
[ or the knife still embedded in it. ]
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None of those things come to her rescue this time. Nothing protects her from the dawning realization in the back of her mind. Nothing stops her from thinking about Rhys and Angel, McBurn, Korra and "Karamatsu."]
Rii-san...
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[ it comes out a little defensively as if to refute an accusation that Arianna hasn't even made yet. Not that she needs to -- both of them already know what she means. ]
I don't even know now how close I came but I... I didn't do it.
[ Yuuri draws back from Arianna a little so she can curl in on herself. So she can make herself smaller, and fiddle with the charms hanging from her neck.
Why, why, why did she think this was a good idea? Why couldn't this just have been more laughing about sleepover games and food and anything other than this. ]
But I stood there for so long. Holding that knife up over her and in the end... In the end, I only dropped it because Miki-san came back. She came back and saw me there with the knife.
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Arianna scoots over next to Yuuri, putting her arms around her.
She's shaking, noticeably so. She doesn't want it to be true. She doesn't want her Rii-san to be someone who's come so close to something like that. Someone who was... ready not only to give up when her friend's life was at stake, but to take that friend's life herself. But as she said, she can't turn away from the truth. She can only decide how to deal with it. She doesn't know what that means, yet.
But she refuses to let it mean anything for their relationship. Rii-san is still the same Rii-san. "You are my sister, and nothing can change that," she said, and she meant it. And now, her sister needs comfort. Needs to know she isn't alone.]
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But she's held onto it for so long -- hated herself for it for so long -- that it seems strange for Arianna to not react with the same distaste. ]
And... do you know what the strangest part is?
[ Not the 'worst' part. Both of them know full well what the worst part is. ]
Miki-san never said a thing about it. She never asked me why or even what I was doing. As far as I know she-- she never talked about it. To any of us, not even Kurumi.
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But she could never hate her. Not even if she found herself under that knife.]
Perhaps... she understood.
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