So then, you already know what happened to Kurumi, don't you? You already know she was bitten.
[ Saying it out loud feels like a horrible, awful betrayal even though she already knows that all Kurumi's secrets have long since been laid bare. She's never spoken much about what happened in that school, not in detail -- she's not sure she even would've told Junpei what happened if he hadn't been there when she's woken up wide-eyed and shaking on a Sunday morning, still convinced she could smell the rot of Kurumi's bite. ]
[Arianna isn't sure where this is going, but she's 100% sure she doesn't like it. The absolute best outcome here is Yuuri reflecting on being terrified of what was going to happen.]
I do. It was revealed early, in the aftermath of their first trial, though at first only Dame Frederica knew.
[Her hand idly drifts to Yuuri's upper arm, as if to confirm that there isn't a similar bite mark there.]
[ Yuuri glances over and gives Arianna a wan smile before reaching out her arm, stretching it out as if to let Arianna see and be assured: no bite. No scars, save for the one on her left, one Kurumi herself left with her trusty shovel. Just the black tattoo in all its elaborate Lucian glory. ]
... I didn't. I mean... I obviously knew when it happened. But it was one of the very, very last things I remembered during the game. And it didn't make any sense, because I'd already remembered things from so much later and Kurumi was still there. I couldn't understand how she could end up bitten and then still be with us.
[ What she doesn't voice is the fear. The possibility that she'd gone Yuki's route and just convinced herself that Kurumi was still there.
[ Yuuri's hand, her fingers loose and relaxed until a moment ago, closes into a fist. ]
I do now. But back then, I just... I was so afraid she was going to turn into one of them. Right there in the club room. And if she did then just what would that do to Yuki-chan? After everything else, I was so scared that seeing Kurumi turn like that would break her. It really would break her.
[ She has to stop talking for a moment so she can swallow and wet her dry throat. ]
Even when Miki-san went to find the medicine, that was all I could think. Kurumi was thrashing around so much and she was screaming like it was burning her alive from the inside out and I...
[ She's sitting on her knees, torso leaning back against the trunk of a lemon tree and long hair draping down her front. ]
I just... wanted...
[ But it's not nearly enough to hide the bloody wound in her stomach ]
[It isn't uncommon for Arianna to not understand things. Sometimes they rely on concepts she hasn't been able to grasp or knowledge she doesn't have, like the specifics of complex technology. Sometimes she focuses too much on specific details to grasp the big picture. Sometimes she has trouble understanding the mindset of someone with a drastically different worldview. Sometimes... well, sometimes she's just kind of dense.
None of those things come to her rescue this time. Nothing protects her from the dawning realization in the back of her mind. Nothing stops her from thinking about Rhys and Angel, McBurn, Korra and "Karamatsu."]
[ it comes out a little defensively as if to refute an accusation that Arianna hasn't even made yet. Not that she needs to -- both of them already know what she means. ]
I don't even know now how close I came but I... I didn't do it.
[ Yuuri draws back from Arianna a little so she can curl in on herself. So she can make herself smaller, and fiddle with the charms hanging from her neck.
Why, why, why did she think this was a good idea? Why couldn't this just have been more laughing about sleepover games and food and anything other than this. ]
But I stood there for so long. Holding that knife up over her and in the end... In the end, I only dropped it because Miki-san came back. She came back and saw me there with the knife.
Arianna scoots over next to Yuuri, putting her arms around her.
She's shaking, noticeably so. She doesn't want it to be true. She doesn't want her Rii-san to be someone who's come so close to something like that. Someone who was... ready not only to give up when her friend's life was at stake, but to take that friend's life herself. But as she said, she can't turn away from the truth. She can only decide how to deal with it. She doesn't know what that means, yet.
But she refuses to let it mean anything for their relationship. Rii-san is still the same Rii-san. "You are my sister, and nothing can change that," she said, and she meant it. And now, her sister needs comfort. Needs to know she isn't alone.]
[ Yuuri draws in a shaky, soggy sounding breath and it comes back out in an equally shaky laugh, even though there's nothing funny about any of this. She's not sure what she expected, really. After everything all of them have done, she should've known that this wouldn't change a thing.
But she's held onto it for so long -- hated herself for it for so long -- that it seems strange for Arianna to not react with the same distaste. ]
And... do you know what the strangest part is?
[ Not the 'worst' part. Both of them know full well what the worst part is. ]
Miki-san never said a thing about it. She never asked me why or even what I was doing. As far as I know she-- she never talked about it. To any of us, not even Kurumi.
[Well... if a situation like that somehow comes up again, Arianna won't be intentionally leaving Yuuri in charge of any life-or-death decisions. That's part of her job, she'll do it herself.
But she could never hate her. Not even if she found herself under that knife.]
[ She sounds so bitter, so tired that Yuuri hardly sounds like herself. ]
There's so much of it I look back at and wonder... how did I ever let things get that bad? I shouldn't be thankful that any of us went through what we did but I just... it saved me. Not just from that place but...
[ She doesn't have to say it because again, she thinks Arianna understands. Arianna, who sometimes seems like she knows Yuuri maybe a little better than Yuuri knows herself. ]
[ Again, the instinct to deny that -- to say she should have tried harder, simply been better somehow. Even with all the time and distance, she still finds herself wanting to own everything that had happened. Because somehow, the idea that she'd tried and failed and could've done things right is better than the idea that there was no way to do things right. It's powerlessness that terrifies her more than the idea of her own failures.
But god. She knows she can't keep hating and blaming herself for all this. Not unless she wants to take one step forward and then twenty back. ]
... it's over now, though. Isn't it? Not with the Network maybe but. I don't ever have to go back to all that. If we do, it'll just be to find Yuki-chan and get her out of there. And then after that...
[ She doesn't know. The future is still a totally undefined mess of maybes and possibilities and it's terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure. ]
... where do you think you're going to go, when all this is done? When Airlocked is over and we've done whatever we have to do to save everyone.
[ ... ah. Maybe that was the wrong question to ask. ]
... and I'm sure you'd want to introduce Clarith-san to everyone, wouldn't you?
[ The smile she manages to give Arianna is shaky but she wants her to be reminded that no matter where she goes after this, it's not like she's going to go it alone ]
Do you think the two of you might have a ceremony in Caledonia?
[ Do you need a hand patting your head, princess. Too bad, you're getting one. ]
... I think they will be.
[ she has nothing to base this faith off but she doesn't want to see Arianna fretting so much about them, when it obviously weighs so heavily on her heart. ]
And if they're not... well, we'll just have to do something to fix that, won't we? If we're going to save everyone who's been pulled into these awful games... if Junpei thinks he can save Ruu-chan... then what's a few more people?
[She wishes she could share Yuuri's faith in her friend's survival, but after what she's seen... but the idea that their deaths are something they could undo rings true. It's not like they haven't been brought back before, right?]
Yes, we shall save them. And defeat the Calamity ourselves to do so, if necessary.
It's not like we don't have the resources for it. In fact, I almost feel sorry for anyone from your world who thinks they're going to be able to stand up to us.
[ rest in pieces to the calamity ]
And then once it's all done, you'll be able to introduce Clarith-san to them all. That's two royal weddings I'm going to end up attending...
[ They certainly seemed joined at the hip in Florida and she's so glad for it. Everyone stuck in that little hellhole deserves all the happiness they can claw back from the network. ]
That makes three... oh, and once Noctis and Lunafreya-san get married, that's four. ...But I'd understand if we're not all invited to that one.
[ going to the wedding of the lady your adoptive hobo dad murdered could be construed as tacky ]
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[ Saying it out loud feels like a horrible, awful betrayal even though she already knows that all Kurumi's secrets have long since been laid bare. She's never spoken much about what happened in that school, not in detail -- she's not sure she even would've told Junpei what happened if he hadn't been there when she's woken up wide-eyed and shaking on a Sunday morning, still convinced she could smell the rot of Kurumi's bite. ]
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I do. It was revealed early, in the aftermath of their first trial, though at first only Dame Frederica knew.
[Her hand idly drifts to Yuuri's upper arm, as if to confirm that there isn't a similar bite mark there.]
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... I didn't. I mean... I obviously knew when it happened. But it was one of the very, very last things I remembered during the game. And it didn't make any sense, because I'd already remembered things from so much later and Kurumi was still there. I couldn't understand how she could end up bitten and then still be with us.
[ What she doesn't voice is the fear. The possibility that she'd gone Yuki's route and just convinced herself that Kurumi was still there.
Hah. If only she'd known how right she was. ]
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So why does she feel relieved?]
Because you were unaware of the medication.
[The medication that Kurumi concluded hadn't worked. But it must have, right?]
But you understand now, do you not?
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I do now. But back then, I just... I was so afraid she was going to turn into one of them. Right there in the club room. And if she did then just what would that do to Yuki-chan? After everything else, I was so scared that seeing Kurumi turn like that would break her. It really would break her.
[ She has to stop talking for a moment so she can swallow and wet her dry throat. ]
Even when Miki-san went to find the medicine, that was all I could think. Kurumi was thrashing around so much and she was screaming like it was burning her alive from the inside out and I...
[ She's sitting on her knees, torso leaning back against the trunk of a lemon tree and long hair draping down her front. ]
I just... wanted...
[ But it's not nearly enough to hide the bloody wound in her stomach ]
I just wanted it to stop.
[ or the knife still embedded in it. ]
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None of those things come to her rescue this time. Nothing protects her from the dawning realization in the back of her mind. Nothing stops her from thinking about Rhys and Angel, McBurn, Korra and "Karamatsu."]
Rii-san...
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[ it comes out a little defensively as if to refute an accusation that Arianna hasn't even made yet. Not that she needs to -- both of them already know what she means. ]
I don't even know now how close I came but I... I didn't do it.
[ Yuuri draws back from Arianna a little so she can curl in on herself. So she can make herself smaller, and fiddle with the charms hanging from her neck.
Why, why, why did she think this was a good idea? Why couldn't this just have been more laughing about sleepover games and food and anything other than this. ]
But I stood there for so long. Holding that knife up over her and in the end... In the end, I only dropped it because Miki-san came back. She came back and saw me there with the knife.
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Arianna scoots over next to Yuuri, putting her arms around her.
She's shaking, noticeably so. She doesn't want it to be true. She doesn't want her Rii-san to be someone who's come so close to something like that. Someone who was... ready not only to give up when her friend's life was at stake, but to take that friend's life herself. But as she said, she can't turn away from the truth. She can only decide how to deal with it. She doesn't know what that means, yet.
But she refuses to let it mean anything for their relationship. Rii-san is still the same Rii-san. "You are my sister, and nothing can change that," she said, and she meant it. And now, her sister needs comfort. Needs to know she isn't alone.]
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But she's held onto it for so long -- hated herself for it for so long -- that it seems strange for Arianna to not react with the same distaste. ]
And... do you know what the strangest part is?
[ Not the 'worst' part. Both of them know full well what the worst part is. ]
Miki-san never said a thing about it. She never asked me why or even what I was doing. As far as I know she-- she never talked about it. To any of us, not even Kurumi.
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But she could never hate her. Not even if she found herself under that knife.]
Perhaps... she understood.
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[ She sounds so bitter, so tired that Yuuri hardly sounds like herself. ]
There's so much of it I look back at and wonder... how did I ever let things get that bad? I shouldn't be thankful that any of us went through what we did but I just... it saved me. Not just from that place but...
[ She doesn't have to say it because again, she thinks Arianna understands. Arianna, who sometimes seems like she knows Yuuri maybe a little better than Yuuri knows herself. ]
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[Yuuri getting to live in safety again. Ardyn... Ardyn's everything. People who died before and had a second chance to live. Family.]
But you did not allow things to reach that state. You merely tried your best, in the face of an overwhelming foe.
[She isn't talking about zombies.]
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But god. She knows she can't keep hating and blaming herself for all this. Not unless she wants to take one step forward and then twenty back. ]
... it's over now, though. Isn't it? Not with the Network maybe but. I don't ever have to go back to all that. If we do, it'll just be to find Yuki-chan and get her out of there. And then after that...
[ She doesn't know. The future is still a totally undefined mess of maybes and possibilities and it's terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure. ]
... where do you think you're going to go, when all this is done? When Airlocked is over and we've done whatever we have to do to save everyone.
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[Arianna freezes.]
...I must return home. I cannot simply... my responsibilities...
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... and I'm sure you'd want to introduce Clarith-san to everyone, wouldn't you?
[ The smile she manages to give Arianna is shaky but she wants her to be reminded that no matter where she goes after this, it's not like she's going to go it alone ]
Do you think the two of you might have a ceremony in Caledonia?
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But her face lights up at the prospect of showing off Clarith and getting to marry her again.]
Yes! We absolutely must have a ceremony, and introductions before that, and...
[...and the moment is over and she's sad again.]
...I know not whether everyone at home is still alive.
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... I think they will be.
[ she has nothing to base this faith off but she doesn't want to see Arianna fretting so much about them, when it obviously weighs so heavily on her heart. ]
And if they're not... well, we'll just have to do something to fix that, won't we? If we're going to save everyone who's been pulled into these awful games... if Junpei thinks he can save Ruu-chan... then what's a few more people?
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[She wishes she could share Yuuri's faith in her friend's survival, but after what she's seen... but the idea that their deaths are something they could undo rings true. It's not like they haven't been brought back before, right?]
Yes, we shall save them. And defeat the Calamity ourselves to do so, if necessary.
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[ rest in pieces to the calamity ]
And then once it's all done, you'll be able to introduce Clarith-san to them all. That's two royal weddings I'm going to end up attending...
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[as many pieces as possible]
Two may not be the end. If Lord Takumi and Sir Finn choose to wed, I am certain you will be invited.
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[ They certainly seemed joined at the hip in Florida and she's so glad for it. Everyone stuck in that little hellhole deserves all the happiness they can claw back from the network. ]
That makes three... oh, and once Noctis and Lunafreya-san get married, that's four. ...But I'd understand if we're not all invited to that one.
[ going to the wedding of the lady your adoptive hobo dad murdered could be construed as tacky ]
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["So what made you two decide to get married?" "Peer pressure."
Not that Arianna will let that stop her.]
Lord Xander may invite us to attend his wedding as well, once he and Dame Lightning are reunited. Perhaps even Lady Lucina and Sir Prompto.
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Arianna, don't you think we should let those two date before you start planning their wedding for them?
[ But it's said fondly without anything like a rebuke in her tone. ]
Oh, but I don't think there's any point in saying that. You're probably already planning everyone's, aren't you?
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Of course it is necessary for them to date! But that is no reason we cannot be prepared for the future. When they do make such a decision...
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I am being childish.
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