I know exactly what you mean. Our parents were always so busy that once I was old enough... it was pretty much up to me to take care of Ruu-chan while they weren't around. It wasn't like I minded or anything, I knew they couldn't help it. I just felt bad that it meant she had to stay with her big sister instead of Mom and Dad like I knew she wanted.
[ She's struck suddenly by the thought: how long had it been, when everything went to hell, since Ruu had seen her parents? Far longer than it had been since she'd seen her sister. The idea of it suddenly makes Yuuri feel like crying but she pushes it as far back down into her chest as she can. ]
... I talk to much about her -- Ruu-chan, I mean -- but I feel like... I never ask a lot about your brother. Is-- is it alright if I do? I know it can't be easy to talk about, but um...
... what was he like? I don't-- I can't really imagine him at all. To be honest, right now, when I picture him in my head he's just... you, but maybe a little more... I don't know. Severe?
[ definitely not like certain old crusty lucian kings we could mention hahaha am i right ]
I'm sure I'm picturing him all wrong and I've probably got the wrong sort of idea of who he was, too.
Hm...you aren't incredibly far off. Even as a child, Izunia was a bit too serious. I can remember trying to get him to relax somewhat, but it never quite worked. We'd always gotten along despite that--I taught him how to use all the powers available to the Lucis Caelum bloodline, and he was always eager to learn as much as he possibly could. Wherever I went, he was never farther away than my own shadow.
...We were inseparable, once.
[That carried a slightly forlorn note, Ardyn's hands faltering before picking back up in the same repetitive motion.]
We drifted apart as we grew older. After my coronation he became ever more the serious royal, concerned with Lucis above all else. Each time I came back to Insomnia, the brother I thought I'd known felt just a little colder. I think he found me irresponsible, too impulsive for the King of Light--the cost of my magic was something I never dared let him know, so I imagine that...he simply couldn't comprehend how difficult it was. Later I convinced myself that he was no more than a jealous would-be king, that he'd lived in my shadow for so long that he had been stained with darkness himself.
[A cold note of his own had crept into Ardyn's voice like a sudden frost, but he paused to collect his thoughts and sighed to himself.]
Things are somewhat hazy in places after that, for obvious reasons. What Izunia did to me...it went well beyond 'wanting to protect Lucis', even if I suspect that I was already a threat to the world regardless of the reasons why. Izunia Lucis Caelum III was a good person once, but that froze over and died off long before his elder brother did.
[ God. Just hearing all this makes her heart hurt. She can't imagine, doesn't want to imagine anything remotely similar happening with her and Ruu. And if all that had happened because Ardyn had simply been the man the gods had asked him to be -- a healer, a king -- then it put his own brother on the list of things that had been stolen. Just another life tossed away so the gods could have their accursed.
Without even noticing it, Yuuri's curled her hands into tight fists in her lap. ]
... You're really not doing much to discourage me from trying to fight a god, you know.
[ she says it in the kind of voice that suggests she's trying to sound flippant and like she's not deeply upset on his behalf and it's not really working. ]
You're not fighting Bahamut, my dear. He's a god the size of a building, you'd have trouble reaching him.
[Ardyn laughed hollowly, with a playfully light tug on a half-finished braid to discourage the idea.]
He resembled Noctis as he is now, or...I think that he did, to my best recollection. Hardly an exact copy, but the blue eyes are unmistakable. The most striking difference I can place is that Izunia had red hair instead of black--darker than mine, I think he took after our father.
[...]
It's...not 'funny', hardly at all. I hate him, even now. If I were ever to see him again, I'd be likely to kill him on the spot. Yet at the same time, I-...miss him, in some strange measure. I never found out what became of him after my exile; after he'd eradicated all mention of me from history. If he or my Shield ever thought of when I was still human, or if they even cared to remember.
...I don't know if my little brother died with regrets.
[ It makes Yuuri feel ill at ease to hear Ardyn talking like that. It's not fear exactly but a shade close to it, only a few hues different enough to change the tint. She would trust -- has already trusted -- Tenmyouji Ardyn with her life and everything besides it. But when he talks like that, she's reminded that the man she knows know wasn't always like this, there was a man called Ardyn Izunia who wore his face and had his voice but had nothing but spite and hate and black running through his veins.
She's not scared of him. She has no reason to be. But sometimes... just sometimes... ]
I don't think that's strange at all. I think...
[ God. She wishes she knew what to say. Yuuri feels like she never does. For a terrible moment, she finds herself longing for the relative emotional simplicity of a trial or the Sunday following and hates hates hates herself for even letting the thought cross her mind. Ardyn is so old and his problems are so cosmic that what could a girl like her, barely even an adult, do for him?
She can listen. She can let him know that he isn't alone. It won't solve the problem but maybe she needs to start learning that she can't solve every problem. ]
I think something like that... it's perfectly human, isn't it? He was your brother. You two grew up together and even if he-- ... even if things changed. I don't think it's strange for you to miss him. I'm sure he-- I'm sure they--
[ She runs out of words. Because she can't be sure of anything, can she?
Yuuri doesn't turn her head, not wanting to disturb his work, but she slides her hand out of her lap and reaches it back for him to take. ]
... I'm sorry. About... him. And all the rest of it.
[Sometimes the human he was now flickered into something else; the self-sacrificial nature of Ardyn Lucis Caelum would flare up in a brief desperation to burn himself out protecting this family. Other times Ardyn Izunia would be a splash of gasoline on smoldering embers of the hatred and spite and rage that ended a planet.]
[He wasn't really sure he remembered what defined 'human'. He didn't know those flickering moments were something flawed in Tenmyouji Ardyn, showing the cracks where he'd put himself together--or if that was just flawed humanity in itself.]
[But the hands that finished a braid exactly as he'd seen Vandeae do every morning for over twenty years were gentle and cautious; not the perfectly delicate touch of a healer, and not the careless touch of a murderer.]
Forgive me. I'm talking too much, aren't I?
[And the hand that took Yuuri's--the other arm that rested light around her shoulders in an uncertain hug--were undoubtedly the warm and living flame of a human life.]
[ She squeezes his hand, shakes her head and glances back so she can give him a smile. ]
Not too much at all. If I didn't want you to talk then I wouldn't ask, would I? And I'm asking because I want to be able to understand. I feel like I've done a lot of talking about myself and everything back home so maybe now it's my turn to listen.
[ And she does, so badly, want to understand. She wants to sit with Arianna and hear about all her dear friends. She wants to learn the name of every single one of Heart's fallen comrades, Queenie's family, Choromatsu's brothers. She wants to sit with Junpei and absorb as much as he feels comfortable telling her about the everything his life had been before he'd come to the Fantasy Sweet. ]
But don't feel like you have to talk, just because I'm asking. If you need to stop or if I should change the subject or-- anything, okay? Just let me know.
It's quite alright, I've no problem answering things like this. You and the others are all I have for family now, so it should only be right that I trust you with matters like this.
Besides that...I suppose that if I don't linger on the matter from time to time, I'm liable to forget more than I'd like to. So if there's something you wish to know, you need only ask me.
... Then... would it be alright if I asked a little about your parents, too?
[ Maybe that's less of a sting. Maybe more. She has no way of knowing until she asks if she's going to stick the knife in the worst possible place or if there's a stay of execution yet. ]
I know-- I mean, they're really nothing to do with me, I'm sure but I... if we're all a family here, I feel like I should know more about them.
[Ardyn didn't answer at first; if Yuuri turned around she'd see he didn't look shocked or upset. It was more like when she'd asked about his birthday--as if he was trying to recall something mildly inconvenient to have forgotten.]
Let-...let me think. [Ardyn hesitated, speaking up mostly to confirm he was still there and trying to come up with an answer. Start with what he knew first, that would be easier.]
Our father was the first king of Lucis--the hero of the Astral War that ended in our bloodline being granted the Crystal. He founded the kingdom and built Insomnia.
[Objectively, he remembered he was the son of the Founder King, of course. More vaguely he was almost sure Izunia had taken after the king in appearance and...possibly demeanor? It was hard to recall with any clarity; those memories felt at once within reach and also two thousand years away.]
I think...he was likely a bit more serious himself. I can remember they were often preoccupied with matters of establishing a functional kingdom and reinforcing the capital.
[ It's a little awkward to face away while they're talking, now that her braid is neatly in place so she turns -- sitting sideways in the chair, leaning her shoulder against the backrest as she looks up at him. Her expression is troubled, mixed in with a little guilt. It's clear she feels a little bad about asking even if he'd told her to go ahead.
But even if remembering isn't quite as pleasant, forgetting would be worse, she thinks. It hurts her to know she's forgotten so much, however unwillingly, about Ruu. What would it be like to cast your mind back and suddenly realise you couldn't remember your own mother and father? ]
I'm not surprised. Raising a family's hard enough without having to worry about raising a whole kingdom besides that.
...He was a good man, I think. Would hardly have been welcomed as the first king of a country if he was anything else. [Ardyn leaned back in his own chair, raising a hand to his face as he tried to concentrate. The Ring of the Lucii, the Blade of the Mystic, the modest silver crown passed through over a hundred generations--he was certain all of those had been his father's, once. There had to be some point he could find that ended in actual information.]
My coronation was when I was sixteen if I recall correctly, so I expect something must have happened around then. Even Lucis doesn't make it a habit of crowning teenagers unless there's little other option.
[Think, damn it. He'd studied Lucian history where he hadn't lived it, so he should have been able to come up with something. It started with an A, he knew that much--]
The second king of Lucis. Are you...sorry, are you trying to tell me you think there are one hundred thirteen kings named 'Noctis' to end with 'Noctis Lucis Caelum CXIV'?
[ You know that voice she had when he was first done telling her about all the shit that went down in Eos and she sounded personally offended and like she was considering hauling off and fighting an entire country in the streets?
It's back. ]
What would be the point of sticking that number at the end of your name if you weren't named after your father? Is-- is that really just how it works in Eos?!
Your worlds are the ones with ridiculous things like rabbits, don't start with me.
[Ardyn sighed, running a hand through his hair.]
Following royal naming conventions she wouldn't have, no. I think-... [He trailed off, uncertain.] Father's name started with an A, and hers...hers was with an I, that was as close to naming the two of us after them as it came. I-...Ia--Iacinthina, that was it. I'm almost certain of it.
[ He's almost certain. That terrible thought about what it would be like to realize you'd forgotten your own parents is so close to being a reality that she almost regrets asking.
Maybe that's why, rather than respond with another question she finds herself saying -- ]
Our parents did the same thing -- or um, something like that anyway. Ruu-chan and me... both of us were named after our mother. Ryoko. They picked out our names using the kanji in hers.
[ It's the first time she's said much of anything about her parents since all of this began and even Yuuri looks a little startled to find the words coming out of her mouth. ]
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[ She's struck suddenly by the thought: how long had it been, when everything went to hell, since Ruu had seen her parents? Far longer than it had been since she'd seen her sister. The idea of it suddenly makes Yuuri feel like crying but she pushes it as far back down into her chest as she can. ]
... I talk to much about her -- Ruu-chan, I mean -- but I feel like... I never ask a lot about your brother. Is-- is it alright if I do? I know it can't be easy to talk about, but um...
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[His hands were still steady, focusing on carefully braiding Yuuri's hair.]
I can hardly promise to be able to recall any accurate responses, but you can.
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[ definitely not like certain old crusty lucian kings we could mention hahaha am i right ]
I'm sure I'm picturing him all wrong and I've probably got the wrong sort of idea of who he was, too.
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...We were inseparable, once.
[That carried a slightly forlorn note, Ardyn's hands faltering before picking back up in the same repetitive motion.]
We drifted apart as we grew older. After my coronation he became ever more the serious royal, concerned with Lucis above all else. Each time I came back to Insomnia, the brother I thought I'd known felt just a little colder. I think he found me irresponsible, too impulsive for the King of Light--the cost of my magic was something I never dared let him know, so I imagine that...he simply couldn't comprehend how difficult it was. Later I convinced myself that he was no more than a jealous would-be king, that he'd lived in my shadow for so long that he had been stained with darkness himself.
[A cold note of his own had crept into Ardyn's voice like a sudden frost, but he paused to collect his thoughts and sighed to himself.]
Things are somewhat hazy in places after that, for obvious reasons. What Izunia did to me...it went well beyond 'wanting to protect Lucis', even if I suspect that I was already a threat to the world regardless of the reasons why. Izunia Lucis Caelum III was a good person once, but that froze over and died off long before his elder brother did.
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Without even noticing it, Yuuri's curled her hands into tight fists in her lap. ]
... You're really not doing much to discourage me from trying to fight a god, you know.
[ she says it in the kind of voice that suggests she's trying to sound flippant and like she's not deeply upset on his behalf and it's not really working. ]
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[Ardyn laughed hollowly, with a playfully light tug on a half-finished braid to discourage the idea.]
He resembled Noctis as he is now, or...I think that he did, to my best recollection. Hardly an exact copy, but the blue eyes are unmistakable. The most striking difference I can place is that Izunia had red hair instead of black--darker than mine, I think he took after our father.
[...]
It's...not 'funny', hardly at all. I hate him, even now. If I were ever to see him again, I'd be likely to kill him on the spot. Yet at the same time, I-...miss him, in some strange measure. I never found out what became of him after my exile; after he'd eradicated all mention of me from history. If he or my Shield ever thought of when I was still human, or if they even cared to remember.
...I don't know if my little brother died with regrets.
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She's not scared of him. She has no reason to be. But sometimes... just sometimes... ]
I don't think that's strange at all. I think...
[ God. She wishes she knew what to say. Yuuri feels like she never does. For a terrible moment, she finds herself longing for the relative emotional simplicity of a trial or the Sunday following and hates hates hates herself for even letting the thought cross her mind. Ardyn is so old and his problems are so cosmic that what could a girl like her, barely even an adult, do for him?
She can listen. She can let him know that he isn't alone. It won't solve the problem but maybe she needs to start learning that she can't solve every problem. ]
I think something like that... it's perfectly human, isn't it? He was your brother. You two grew up together and even if he-- ... even if things changed. I don't think it's strange for you to miss him. I'm sure he-- I'm sure they--
[ She runs out of words. Because she can't be sure of anything, can she?
Yuuri doesn't turn her head, not wanting to disturb his work, but she slides her hand out of her lap and reaches it back for him to take. ]
... I'm sorry. About... him. And all the rest of it.
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[Sometimes the human he was now flickered into something else; the self-sacrificial nature of Ardyn Lucis Caelum would flare up in a brief desperation to burn himself out protecting this family. Other times Ardyn Izunia would be a splash of gasoline on smoldering embers of the hatred and spite and rage that ended a planet.]
[He wasn't really sure he remembered what defined 'human'. He didn't know those flickering moments were something flawed in Tenmyouji Ardyn, showing the cracks where he'd put himself together--or if that was just flawed humanity in itself.]
[But the hands that finished a braid exactly as he'd seen Vandeae do every morning for over twenty years were gentle and cautious; not the perfectly delicate touch of a healer, and not the careless touch of a murderer.]
Forgive me. I'm talking too much, aren't I?
[And the hand that took Yuuri's--the other arm that rested light around her shoulders in an uncertain hug--were undoubtedly the warm and living flame of a human life.]
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Not too much at all. If I didn't want you to talk then I wouldn't ask, would I? And I'm asking because I want to be able to understand. I feel like I've done a lot of talking about myself and everything back home so maybe now it's my turn to listen.
[ And she does, so badly, want to understand. She wants to sit with Arianna and hear about all her dear friends. She wants to learn the name of every single one of Heart's fallen comrades, Queenie's family, Choromatsu's brothers. She wants to sit with Junpei and absorb as much as he feels comfortable telling her about the everything his life had been before he'd come to the Fantasy Sweet. ]
But don't feel like you have to talk, just because I'm asking. If you need to stop or if I should change the subject or-- anything, okay? Just let me know.
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Besides that...I suppose that if I don't linger on the matter from time to time, I'm liable to forget more than I'd like to. So if there's something you wish to know, you need only ask me.
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[ Maybe that's less of a sting. Maybe more. She has no way of knowing until she asks if she's going to stick the knife in the worst possible place or if there's a stay of execution yet. ]
I know-- I mean, they're really nothing to do with me, I'm sure but I... if we're all a family here, I feel like I should know more about them.
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[Ardyn didn't answer at first; if Yuuri turned around she'd see he didn't look shocked or upset. It was more like when she'd asked about his birthday--as if he was trying to recall something mildly inconvenient to have forgotten.]
Let-...let me think. [Ardyn hesitated, speaking up mostly to confirm he was still there and trying to come up with an answer. Start with what he knew first, that would be easier.]
Our father was the first king of Lucis--the hero of the Astral War that ended in our bloodline being granted the Crystal. He founded the kingdom and built Insomnia.
[Objectively, he remembered he was the son of the Founder King, of course. More vaguely he was almost sure Izunia had taken after the king in appearance and...possibly demeanor? It was hard to recall with any clarity; those memories felt at once within reach and also two thousand years away.]
I think...he was likely a bit more serious himself. I can remember they were often preoccupied with matters of establishing a functional kingdom and reinforcing the capital.
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But even if remembering isn't quite as pleasant, forgetting would be worse, she thinks. It hurts her to know she's forgotten so much, however unwillingly, about Ruu. What would it be like to cast your mind back and suddenly realise you couldn't remember your own mother and father? ]
I'm not surprised. Raising a family's hard enough without having to worry about raising a whole kingdom besides that.
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My coronation was when I was sixteen if I recall correctly, so I expect something must have happened around then. Even Lucis doesn't make it a habit of crowning teenagers unless there's little other option.
[Think, damn it. He'd studied Lucian history where he hadn't lived it, so he should have been able to come up with something. It started with an A, he knew that much--]
...A-...Aegithus. Aegithus Lucis Caelum I.
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[ She looks a little puzzled at that. It's not really a strange enough name coming from Ardyn Lucis Millionlastnames so why does she look so...? ]
I thought -- well, I always imagined he'd be "Ardyn" as well. Your father, I mean.
[ Ah, no. It's just Eos Being Eos. ]
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[He shook his head, trying to focus back on Yuuri and looking faintly confused.]
Why would you think my name to match his? True, the practice isn't unheard of, but it's not one that's often expected.
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[ She says all this as if it should be screamingly obvious just what the issue is. ]
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[Nope, not getting it.]
The second king of Lucis. Are you...sorry, are you trying to tell me you think there are one hundred thirteen kings named 'Noctis' to end with 'Noctis Lucis Caelum CXIV'?
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[
The second king of -- that's not how names work.
[ she sounds so offended. ]
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[
Why would over one hundred kings have the same name, that's asinine!
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[ You know that voice she had when he was first done telling her about all the shit that went down in Eos and she sounded personally offended and like she was considering hauling off and fighting an entire country in the streets?
It's back. ]
What would be the point of sticking that number at the end of your name if you weren't named after your father? Is-- is that really just how it works in Eos?!
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[DON'T YELL AT HIM HE'S SO CONFUSED]
I-I don't know, take it up with Father or Bahamut, I had nothing to do with it!
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[ Yuuri Wakasa: twelve years old, apparently. ]
Then what about your mother? She didn't have any unnecessary numbers in her name, did she?
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[Ardyn sighed, running a hand through his hair.]
Following royal naming conventions she wouldn't have, no. I think-... [He trailed off, uncertain.] Father's name started with an A, and hers...hers was with an I, that was as close to naming the two of us after them as it came. I-...Ia--Iacinthina, that was it. I'm almost certain of it.
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Maybe that's why, rather than respond with another question she finds herself saying -- ]
Our parents did the same thing -- or um, something like that anyway. Ruu-chan and me... both of us were named after our mother. Ryoko. They picked out our names using the kanji in hers.
[ It's the first time she's said much of anything about her parents since all of this began and even Yuuri looks a little startled to find the words coming out of her mouth. ]
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