[ Yuuri doesn't even bother watching the rest of the investigation. She knows there's something wrong when she doesn't see Junpei up and about, a feeling that turns into something cold and sickly at the pit of her stomach once Arianna finds the garden. She watches just long enough to hear the body announcement and then she stalks off without even bothering to shut off the TV.
Without even needing to agree on it, they both end up in a miserable heap in one of the only rooms in the house they've bothered to fill. There's mattresses spread across the floor, with mismatched sofa cushions and pillows from the unoccupied houses crammed into any unfilled spaces and scattered all through the room. It'd be a cozy place to take a nap if the mood of the house wasn't so thoroughly miserable.
Yuuri's quiet, for a very long while, before she actually speaks up. ]
I never actually thought it'd happen to him. After everything he's already survived, I just couldn't picture it happening.
[Without a second thought he'd followed the moment she got up; they could go back for the trial, but neither of them needed or wanted to see the investigation. What Ardyn needed to do was exactly what he promised Junpei--look after Yuuri.]
[So he'd dropped to sit down on a mattress next to her, arms around her shoulders without a second thought. They both needed that much right now.]
We joked about it, once or twice--die enough times in enough ways and you rather have to compare lists or go insane. Even knowing that...I don't understand how this happened either.
[ Because as terrified as she'd been every week once Friday rolled around, she'd never truly believed that Junpei would end up as one of the bodies. It just wasn't how this story was supposed to end. Their reunion was supposed to be on the heels of a victory, where she would've proved that she wasn't full of empty words.
Yuuri was supposed to be the one saving him this time. And Junpei had died, knowing that she was nothing but a liar. ]
I... I kept telling him and telling him I'd come running to find him. You heard me swear I was going to save him but every time he's needed me most I've been stuck here. And it's my own fault.
[ That comes out sharper than she intends and Yuuri has to take a moment to steady herself. Ardyn isn't the one she's angry with and she doesn't want to take her frustrations out on the wrong target. But she doesn't have any target yet. No culprit, no way of knowing what happened and nowhere for all that anger to point but inwards. ]
I just... I've never been able to keep any of the promises I've made him. Not a single one.
[ I'm going to live and I won't leave you.
Dead, not even two weeks in. Dead, with Junpei left behind to investigate the mess. ]
[ Leaning into him, Yuuri finally unwinds enough to lift a hand and set it on top of his. She's been coiled like a spring the entire time she's been sat there with him but now she's finally starting to ease some of that wound up tension out of herself.
Whether or not that's a good thing still remains to be seen. ]
It's all just a mess, isn't it?
[ Because even though Yuuri knows she's about to see him again, it still feels like someone's reached into her chest and ripped something warm and vital clean from her body. And though she's utterly miserable at the thought that someone would do this to Junpei, there's a treacherous little part of her heart leaping with sickly, giddy joy at the fact that after so long, she'll be with him again. ]
...Yuuri, I don't want to admit it, but while I've no way of knowing what truly happened--something was going to give out this week and someone was going to break. Memory is the key; it's all we truly have. Even I might have been pushed to do something careless were I still there...for him if not for myself.
No single one of us can fix this alone, not on their side or ours. All of us have to pull together; if we start to lose what matters most, the rest have to work just as hard to fill in the empty spaces. There's no chance of victory if we collapse and fall apart.
[ He's right. He's right and for a horrible, bitter moment Yuuri really and truly hates him for it. Collapsing and falling apart is all she wants to do because fighting and clawing at victory has never gotten them a damn thing. Every time they win, it gets thrown back in their face. Every time they think they're safe, they're proven wrong. And every time they have reason to hope, it gets just as quickly upended into despair.
But she can't give up. What sort of hypocrite would she be to tell Junpei not to break and then to fall apart herself?
Even so, her voice is soft and a little hoarse when she speaks up. ]
I'm so tired, Dad. Just once... just once I'd like us to land a win that actually sticks.
[There weren't many people who knew 'tired' like Ardyn did.]
But this isn't over yet. We have to keep going--we have to trust in the others to pull together and get through this. Seth had one decent point; it can't be much longer now. All of us on both sides are going to have to fight back with everything we can manage.
I think they'll be able to do it. All of them are so strong and if they've survived this long... maybe they'll be able to survive all the way to the end. If all of us, outside and inside, give it everything we can then maybe it'll finally be over.
[ It's not quite the passionate, bombastic refusal to believe in anything less than victory that she's displayed some days... but it's not giving up. Maybe that's a good first step.
For a little while longer, she's quiet. It seems like maybe she's too tired as she said, content to sit in silence. But finally, she pipes up; ]
What do you want to do? When all this really is over, I mean.
[Ardyn didn't answer at first, leaning his head on Yuuri's. Grandiloquent speeches and ironclad displays of confident leadership had their place and time; in front of everyone else. When things were darkest, he was to have been the fire burning in the endless night.]
[But with Yuuri, with Church, with Junpei...he could just be Ardyn.]
I want a grand and spectacularly embarrassing overblown display of a wedding. Glitter cannons, music, and everyone present enjoying themselves. And when that's over, I want us to follow you and Junpei wherever you should go--we'll take everyone else that wants to come along, too. Raise chocobos and galaxy pigeons and whatever else.
I want to hatch a chocobo for Nari and see to it Angel and Rhys are somewhere safe. Make sure Jane and Touko are with their friends, and that Kip always has a place he belongs. I want to help CT be sure Project Freelancer lies in smoldering ashes with Price and anyone else who had a hand in it.
...I want to live, Yuuri. More than I ever thought I could.
[ It's such a modest wish, isn't it? Just wanting to live with happiness and without fear. But it never stops sounding so radiant and wonderful, however many times they all talk about it. Maybe there's another world out there, where things went right; some other, equally twisted timeline where they aren't having to fight just for the chance to live. But it's as Junpei himself might say: this is the reality, the history they're stuck in. And maybe it's going to take a little more work to make it better... but she thinks it's going to be worth it. ]
I'm still not giving up my glitter cannon privileges to anyone else, I hope you know.
[ But there's a smile on her face now and it comes through in the warmer tone of her voice, too. ]
But that's what I want, too. I want to live -- really live, instead of just surviving. I want to be in a place full of people, who're all happy and alive and just going about their lives.
... maybe we'll go to Tokyo. If Junpei thinks his world is safe, we could go and live in his Japan. And if it's not then... then we'll just have to find somewhere that is.
Back in the mansion...I swore to Leonard we would find somewhere after this, even if it meant returning to Lucis and rebuilding the world I destroyed piece by piece. I would do so even now, were we so lacking for options.
[It was...a nice dream to have, he thought. After two thousand years spent alone, more or less waiting to die-]
['I will drag you from that darkness. Out of solitude. Out of emptiness.']
[-would it not be wonderful, to live again? As a real human with emotions and a heart, not a plague animated by shreds of bitterness and rage? With people who loved him, the very people who helped him relearn what love and trust even were?]
[With the people he'd died to protect?]
He's my Shield, so he's going to find me and save us. We will see ourselves out of here and reunite with them somewhere better than this.
[There was no fear of abandonment in his voice; the betrayal of Gilgamesh was the furthest thing from his mind. Not after they had already gone back for him once and shown not a shred of regret even if doing so had gotten all of them captured.]
['He's been living a long time. In a world...he could share with no one.']
...I love you, Yuuri. My wonderful, magnificent princess, don't lose hope. I am with you and will remain forevermore, wherever you may go.
Yuuri can't force herself to give him more than a minute or so to breathe before she goes to find him. She knows by now that space doesn't always work when it comes to this broken little family. But this is different -- this is Noctis and that means all the usual protocol goes right out the window.
She stops at the doorway, suddenly struck by something like stagefright and she realizes that, for once, she has no idea how to help. ]
... can I come in? Or do you need to be alone for a while?
[He spoke in rushed and frantic tones, staring at the floor with a wide-eyed and not entirely present look.]
I knew it would matter to him. If he was erased, the entire world goes with him. And I--I would've--
[Ardyn shook his head, curling in on himself and pulling his knees to his chest.]
He did something stupid. I know he did, I know he wouldn't have just gotten killed carelessly. His entire role was to die for other people. For the entire world.
[ It's not until she's already kneeling down in front of him and carefully setting her hands on top of his that Yuuri's even aware that she'd crossed the room. There's a nasty little whirling void of panic in her chest that's making everything seem to blink by just a touch too quick. She's scared she won't have enough time to speak and try and make some of this right before the trial rolls around. ]
Try and slow down and take a big breath for me, okay? Just hold it in for a second and then let it out.
That's okay. I don't think anyone would blame you if you couldn't. If you think it'll hurt more than it'll help, then I can watch it for you -- and me and Junpei, we'll tell you what happened.
[ She's quiet, just for a second, before she speaks up again. ]
You don't have to do this all by yourself. Not any of it. Sometimes, it... it's okay to take a step back and let us do it for you.
[ God. She hates being so powerless. Though she never thought she'd hate anything more than being stuck in one of those games, it's being here that really kills her. Powerless beyond compare and even more at Intergal's mercy than they ever have been before. She'd talked herself up so much about how she was going to save them but when it comes down to it, she's just as useless as she's ever been.
The thought bubbles like poison and Yuuri forces herself to cut it off there. She can't let herself start crumbling when Ardyn is the one who needs help. ]
Then we'll just have to make sure we stay with you. So you're not doing it all by yourself.
But will you promise me that if it gets too much -- if you feel like you really can't stand it -- will you take a step back from it all? I can't do anything to fix this or make this better but... just let me try and protect you this once instead of the other way around, okay?
It's okay. I mean -- it's not really okay, you idiot. But I'm not mad.
[ And she doesn't sound it -- fond and exasperated, yes, but never mad. Not with him. ]
Just remember that you can talk to us. It's not a one way street. You don't always have to be the one supporting us when we're scared and hurt. We're all here for you, too.
Even if they managed to take away what Noctis did for you, they'd never be able to take away the rest of it. All that time we spent together in the mansion and everywhere else, even when we forgot, none of it ever really went away for good.
[ she pulls back just enough to give him a smile -- tired but fierce and protective all the same. ]
And besides, even if they wanted to try, they'd have to go through me and Junpei.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Without even needing to agree on it, they both end up in a miserable heap in one of the only rooms in the house they've bothered to fill. There's mattresses spread across the floor, with mismatched sofa cushions and pillows from the unoccupied houses crammed into any unfilled spaces and scattered all through the room. It'd be a cozy place to take a nap if the mood of the house wasn't so thoroughly miserable.
Yuuri's quiet, for a very long while, before she actually speaks up. ]
I never actually thought it'd happen to him. After everything he's already survived, I just couldn't picture it happening.
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[So he'd dropped to sit down on a mattress next to her, arms around her shoulders without a second thought. They both needed that much right now.]
We joked about it, once or twice--die enough times in enough ways and you rather have to compare lists or go insane. Even knowing that...I don't understand how this happened either.
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[ Because as terrified as she'd been every week once Friday rolled around, she'd never truly believed that Junpei would end up as one of the bodies. It just wasn't how this story was supposed to end. Their reunion was supposed to be on the heels of a victory, where she would've proved that she wasn't full of empty words.
Yuuri was supposed to be the one saving him this time. And Junpei had died, knowing that she was nothing but a liar. ]
I... I kept telling him and telling him I'd come running to find him. You heard me swear I was going to save him but every time he's needed me most I've been stuck here. And it's my own fault.
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[Ardyn pulled her a little closer, running a light and comforting hand over her hair.]
This isn't your fault.
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[ That comes out sharper than she intends and Yuuri has to take a moment to steady herself. Ardyn isn't the one she's angry with and she doesn't want to take her frustrations out on the wrong target. But she doesn't have any target yet. No culprit, no way of knowing what happened and nowhere for all that anger to point but inwards. ]
I just... I've never been able to keep any of the promises I've made him. Not a single one.
[ I'm going to live and I won't leave you.
Dead, not even two weeks in. Dead, with Junpei left behind to investigate the mess. ]
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[...None of it was fair. A deck stacked too high against them, promises forgotten and remembered and made and broken-]
[Ardyn shook his head slightly, holding Yuuri close with unsteady arms.]
...I know.
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Whether or not that's a good thing still remains to be seen. ]
It's all just a mess, isn't it?
[ Because even though Yuuri knows she's about to see him again, it still feels like someone's reached into her chest and ripped something warm and vital clean from her body. And though she's utterly miserable at the thought that someone would do this to Junpei, there's a treacherous little part of her heart leaping with sickly, giddy joy at the fact that after so long, she'll be with him again. ]
It's a mess and none of us can fix it on our own.
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No single one of us can fix this alone, not on their side or ours. All of us have to pull together; if we start to lose what matters most, the rest have to work just as hard to fill in the empty spaces. There's no chance of victory if we collapse and fall apart.
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But she can't give up. What sort of hypocrite would she be to tell Junpei not to break and then to fall apart herself?
Even so, her voice is soft and a little hoarse when she speaks up. ]
I'm so tired, Dad. Just once... just once I'd like us to land a win that actually sticks.
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[There weren't many people who knew 'tired' like Ardyn did.]
But this isn't over yet. We have to keep going--we have to trust in the others to pull together and get through this. Seth had one decent point; it can't be much longer now. All of us on both sides are going to have to fight back with everything we can manage.
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[ It's not quite the passionate, bombastic refusal to believe in anything less than victory that she's displayed some days... but it's not giving up. Maybe that's a good first step.
For a little while longer, she's quiet. It seems like maybe she's too tired as she said, content to sit in silence. But finally, she pipes up; ]
What do you want to do? When all this really is over, I mean.
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[But with Yuuri, with Church, with Junpei...he could just be Ardyn.]
I want a grand and spectacularly embarrassing overblown display of a wedding. Glitter cannons, music, and everyone present enjoying themselves. And when that's over, I want us to follow you and Junpei wherever you should go--we'll take everyone else that wants to come along, too. Raise chocobos and galaxy pigeons and whatever else.
I want to hatch a chocobo for Nari and see to it Angel and Rhys are somewhere safe. Make sure Jane and Touko are with their friends, and that Kip always has a place he belongs. I want to help CT be sure Project Freelancer lies in smoldering ashes with Price and anyone else who had a hand in it.
...I want to live, Yuuri. More than I ever thought I could.
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I'm still not giving up my glitter cannon privileges to anyone else, I hope you know.
[ But there's a smile on her face now and it comes through in the warmer tone of her voice, too. ]
But that's what I want, too. I want to live -- really live, instead of just surviving. I want to be in a place full of people, who're all happy and alive and just going about their lives.
... maybe we'll go to Tokyo. If Junpei thinks his world is safe, we could go and live in his Japan. And if it's not then... then we'll just have to find somewhere that is.
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[It was...a nice dream to have, he thought. After two thousand years spent alone, more or less waiting to die-]
['I will drag you from that darkness. Out of solitude. Out of emptiness.']
[-would it not be wonderful, to live again? As a real human with emotions and a heart, not a plague animated by shreds of bitterness and rage? With people who loved him, the very people who helped him relearn what love and trust even were?]
[With the people he'd died to protect?]
He's my Shield, so he's going to find me and save us. We will see ourselves out of here and reunite with them somewhere better than this.
[There was no fear of abandonment in his voice; the betrayal of Gilgamesh was the furthest thing from his mind. Not after they had already gone back for him once and shown not a shred of regret even if doing so had gotten all of them captured.]
['He's been living a long time. In a world...he could share with no one.']
...I love you, Yuuri. My wonderful, magnificent princess, don't lose hope. I am with you and will remain forevermore, wherever you may go.
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[Sure enough, there is a screen lying dead on the floor with a thin sword planted in it, Ardyn sitting on the floor nearby clutching his head.]
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Yuuri can't force herself to give him more than a minute or so to breathe before she goes to find him. She knows by now that space doesn't always work when it comes to this broken little family. But this is different -- this is Noctis and that means all the usual protocol goes right out the window.
She stops at the doorway, suddenly struck by something like stagefright and she realizes that, for once, she has no idea how to help. ]
... can I come in? Or do you need to be alone for a while?
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[He spoke in rushed and frantic tones, staring at the floor with a wide-eyed and not entirely present look.]
I knew it would matter to him. If he was erased, the entire world goes with him. And I--I would've--
[Ardyn shook his head, curling in on himself and pulling his knees to his chest.]
He did something stupid. I know he did, I know he wouldn't have just gotten killed carelessly. His entire role was to die for other people. For the entire world.
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Try and slow down and take a big breath for me, okay? Just hold it in for a second and then let it out.
Try and breathe a little and then talk to me.
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[...Gods, but Ardyn needed him right now.]
[He took a slow breath, held it, and let it out shakily.]
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[ Her frantically pounding heart's starting to ease just a little bit and she manages to give him a tiny trembling smile. ]
Do you need me to get anything for you?
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...stay here. Please.
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[ Here, come on, you're getting a hug. Or her best approximation of a hug, while he's so curled in on himself. ]
... will you be okay? To watch, I mean.
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[ She's quiet, just for a second, before she speaks up again. ]
You don't have to do this all by yourself. Not any of it. Sometimes, it... it's okay to take a step back and let us do it for you.
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...I know that. But this is...this is something I can't hide from. Not when it involves him.
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The thought bubbles like poison and Yuuri forces herself to cut it off there. She can't let herself start crumbling when Ardyn is the one who needs help. ]
Then we'll just have to make sure we stay with you. So you're not doing it all by yourself.
But will you promise me that if it gets too much -- if you feel like you really can't stand it -- will you take a step back from it all? I can't do anything to fix this or make this better but... just let me try and protect you this once instead of the other way around, okay?
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...I'm sorry I lied to all of you. About not being worried over the incentive.
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[ And she doesn't sound it -- fond and exasperated, yes, but never mad. Not with him. ]
Just remember that you can talk to us. It's not a one way street. You don't always have to be the one supporting us when we're scared and hurt. We're all here for you, too.
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[He at least sounded calmer, now.]
And I didn’t...want to go back to that. The mad king of daemons, in an empty world under a starless sky.
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Even if they managed to take away what Noctis did for you, they'd never be able to take away the rest of it. All that time we spent together in the mansion and everywhere else, even when we forgot, none of it ever really went away for good.
[ she pulls back just enough to give him a smile -- tired but fierce and protective all the same. ]
And besides, even if they wanted to try, they'd have to go through me and Junpei.